Bad Brew Magic experience’s with funny outcomes

Well the black cat brewery strikes again. Well my day off started off normal as all of my days do. I on a whim decided to brew, but being a smart brewer broke up the day and prepared the grain, hops, equipment in the morning so after I pick up the wife an child I could brew and not have to set anything up. I can honestly say this is the worst brewing day ever, humorous now that its over, but plain down right sucked.

First mishap I ran into was when I was wheeling the brew magic out the door and all of a sudden I hear snap , I ripped the controller switch right off, so after I kicked around crap in the garage while blurting curse word a sailor would of been proud of,  I calmed down and wheeled the brew magic out and set it up. I was able to turn the switch, but definately needed a new one.

Second problem happened when I bent over to pick something off the floor and stood up only to crack my head into the doorknob and fell backwards. The wife just looked at me and said, “Honey, maybe its an omen saying not to brew tonight. Maybe fate is telling you just call it a night”. Being pissed off, agitated, and a hard headed Marine,  I said “screw omens, and screw fate Im brewing tonight”. Right then and there I think i pissed off god because the events that unfolded were too coincidental.

So I set everything up and mash in. The recirculation is going and mash temp is set. Mash is done and now it time for the sparge. I didnt connect the hose right so I got scalded. Third degree burns on the hand no problem. After the wort was done boiling my problems compounded. My therminator plate chiller clogged right off the bat. Never happened to me before, so I back flush it and its unclogged no problem. Im sitting there staring at the therminator day dreaming when all of a sudden I hear a hiss, and then boooom, the hose to the inlet side of the therminator rockets off spraying me right in the face. 220 degree wort is like napalm trust me.

As Im running around screaming in pain I trip over my bucket with ice and water in it and did a dive in front of the bucket, at the same time ice and water drench me and my man parts went from outy to inny, and my name was no longer joe, but josephina. I get up off the floor, remembering what my wife said, “Maybe fate is telling you to call it a night”. Like a madman on a mission, talking to someone thats not there, I yell “F$%# Fate, I guess you never met a Marine, Im on a mission fuc$er”. Now I feel as though some force was trying to stop me from finishing this brew which made me press on further not knowing what was gonna happen next.

I steady the chiller and make sure all fittings are tight this time, and I start the transfer to the conical, but because of all the events that unfolded I got side tracked and forgot to close the bottom dump on the conical, as well as forgot to turn on the hose water for the therminator.  Lets just say that will be the last time I wear sandals while brewing.  I get the water turned on and the bottom dump closed, and then guess what, a frigin storm out of no where starts to come down, which is cool because Im brewing in my garage. Well If you think nothing else could go wrong your sadly mistaken. Your not going to believe this, the rain started going sideways getting the garage wet, which is not a big deal until all of a sudden powwwww, a circuit breaker goes out. The rain, wet the power strip I was using and tripped the main circuit. After I did the where’s waldo search in the dark for the breaker and reset it.  Power comes right back on and Im back in buisness.   I finished my cleanup with a smile knowing I was stubborn enough to finish the job despite the odd’s. Though Im not going to tell the wife this story tommorrow morning because she will tell me “I told you so”.  All the events that unfolded that day was the most well organized disaster I have ever had.  Still to this day I cant believe that day, I guess its just another day at the office at the Black Cat Brewery.   

Dear byo, I have a story of a recent event in my life that you might find entertaining at my expense of course.  I’ve never wrote to a magazine, but everyone that was there and also read the events that unfolded thought it was something that definitely needed to be shared.  What would you do, and what lengths would you go through to brew or even get that special piece of brewing equipment you’ve always wanted.  If all the signs pointed to no, would you still press on or would you throw in the towel.  I unfortunately still decided to press on so now I have this opportunity to share with you my story that shows Murphy’s Law is alive and kicking. Has anyone had one of those bad days that no matter what you did, nothing went right.  Well this is my story of how no matter what kind of bad day you’re having, it can always get worse. I’m a Marine and home brewer living on the island of Guam.  I’ve been brewing for approximately 7+ years and never get tired of this hobby just like the rest of us.  I ordered a Brew Magic Commercial unit from Sabco about 5 months ago and it has finally arrived at customs here on the island of Guam.  This is where my story begins.  When any item is shipped overseas it goes through customs.  This is where my problems started to occur.  Island customs said that they were going to hold my Brew Magic hostage until I pay a 4% sales tax on my system.  I fight with them for a week before I pay the charge.  When I go to pay the tax, the lady behind the counter, which is the one I’ve dealt with over the phone, looked at me as I handed her my credit card and say’s your not going to like this. Seeing how I’m using a credit card they have to charge me another 4% on the taxed total (go figure).  Well after going through the hassle with the tax revenue people and customs, a whole new adventure awaits.  I have problems with the delivery of my new system. The delivery guys call me from 5 miles away and said that he was almost to my house, but he broke down on the side of the road and to call the company to reschedule for later that day.  Not a problem, because no matter what, they said they would deliver it today so I wasn’t worried.  I called the company to reschedule a delivery for later that afternoon because they had to transfer my brew magic onto the second truck after the first truck gets back from being towed.  The dead truck arrives at the company and they transfer the Brew Magic onto the next truck, truck #2, well what do you think happens next? The truck supposedly has a heart attack and doesn’t even get as far as the company gate before it breaks down. Oh, do you think this real life Charlie brown gets a break, keep reading.  Well I call about 2:30pm to the delivery company to see what’s up only to find out that the company is holding a funeral service for truck #1 and truck #2 on Sunday. I said “you got to be kidding me”, he replies hold on a second. All I hear is yelling and cursing back and forth between him and one of his drivers. He gets back on the phone and says “I’ve got a third truck”, in which I replied “what did it catch on fire”, he said ”no” laughing out loud.  He told me not to worry I will get your Brew Magic to you now and it will be there in about 20 minutes. When the lift truck arrives at the base gates we park and as I’m signing in the the only person that the company sent, he looks at me with a serious look and say’s “do you have a forklift where you live”, I told him “yeah I keep it next to the lawnmower”, he laughs it off along with a bunch of other people waiting in line to get there base passes.  I lead him through the base gates and had him follow me.  My house, which is only about a mile and a half away from the front gates, felt like eternity as I recalled his comment about the fork lift.  We finally arrived at my house.  He backed the truck up into my driveway gets out and looks at me again with that concerned look on his face and says “my lift gate is broken, how can we get it off”.  I lost it. I started laughing like tom hanks when the bathtub fell through the floor in the movie money pit. I think I scared the driver, because he asked me if I was alright, again with that concerned look in his eye and that made me lose it even more.  Usually my wife has some kind of snippy or witty comment to say, but I think she seen the crazy look in my eye as I went to get the hammer to break open the crate on the truck.  Well we carried it off the truck and into the garage, and then I gave him a tour of my home brewery plus taught him a little about brewing.  With all the bad luck I was having I felt like a black cat was circling my house, so that’s where my brewery got its name, Black Cat Brewery.  I hope your day was better than mine, Cheers.