Bad Brew Magic experience’s with funny outcomes

Well most people on this forum know I live on the island of Guam. Well here on island they have these crabs called coconut crabs. Well I started drinking last night and for some reason kept on drinking. Well surprise surprise, before you know I’m 3 sheets to the wind. As I sit there in my drive way with a friend, he says hey look. What does he spot, a frigin huge coconut crab just a little bit smaller than this picture I pulled off the web. Anybody who doesn’t know what a coconut crab is, it’s a crab with huge claws that climbs up coconut trees and cuts down coconuts. After the coconuts hit the ground, the crab climbs back down the tree and crushes with enough crushing power to destroy a coconut. Well being in my drunken stuper, decided to play with it. Big frigin mistake. Well believing what a local told me about these things being slow was FALSE!!!!!!!!!!.I walked behind it, and attempted to pick it up when the devil came out of this crab. It did a round house spin so fast that it clipped onto my shoe before I could move. Well here is where it gets funny. With beer in hand I begin to run down the street with this damn crab connected to my shoe, screaming like a little school girl.  I ran so fast I believe I was getting carmalization and malliard reactions going on in my underwear.  My buddy who was laughing his a$$ off, didn’t help me out. If finally released and then proceeded to chase me 30 feet. It finally walked away, but through all this I manage to not spill a drop of beer, but at that point I decided to stop drinking. I sobered up real quick. Next time I see him, he is dinner!!